Humor in-class practice final story

Cassandra Mischak

Q News

I feel it is safe to say that most extended family gatherings with relatives, whether it's a holiday, tradition or special event, never ends beaming with sunshine and rainbows.

Normally there is some sort of argument between siblings, or even an over-used insult made by the elder grandmother. 

Generally speaking, you would think that the ONE exception to an unproblematic and drama-free relative gathering would be at a funeral of a loved one. 

But, let’s put it this way, the day we had to bury my grandfather was apparently NOT an exception for chaos. 

Before I share the unrealistic story of my grandfather’s funeral, let me paint a quick picture of my mother’s side of the family for you: The Rzepnicki’s.

My mom is the youngest of seven, 100% Polish children. 

Luckily for my immediate family, she is the most “normal” child, and “normal” is practically an understatement to describe her.

She has four sisters and two brothers who all have several kids of their own, some of which even come from second, third, some even FOURTH marriages. Her parents were the delusional type who most definitely didn’t plan and expect to have seven crazed kids under one roof.

At every family gathering we have, at least one family member tries to walk home to make a statement after some type of ridiculous argument. 

To sum the Rzepnicki’s up, they are known in my city as the dysfunctional family of Bucks County. 

With that messed up family in mind, let's revisit the day of my grandfather's funeral. 

The morning of my grandfather's viewing was a beautiful summer day in June. Clear, blue skies, not too hot, but not too cold . . . it was perfect. A perfect day for the Rzepnicki’s to come together to celebrate the life of my grandfather.

The moment we all gather at the church, there are already 1/7 children missing. He wasn’t returning any phone calls or texts. Halfway through the service, he shows up late in his PAJAMAS. 

When we all thought this beautiful day couldn’t get any worse and embarrassing, 30 minutes into the first poetic eulogy, all you could hear was loud, obnoxious snoring from the OTHER brother. 

Everybody sitting in the church pews was in utter shock. How the heck do you fall asleep during your own fathers eulogy? Ironically, the only person sitting next to him to slap him and wake him up was his daughter who has down syndrome. She obviously didn’t know any better. 

After the service ended, our entire family came together for a luncheon in my grandfather's honor. 

So. I'm sure you can guess what happened next.

Yes, the five sisters got in a screaming match over the seating arrangements making a scene, and yes, one of the sisters DID end up attempting to walk home from the luncheon. 

I guess every family has their ups and downs, but hey, that’s what makes every family unique in their own, special way. 

The greatest thing about family is that at the end of the day, you all love and care for each other, no matter what.